jokes by supply

Here are some of my freelance jokes that didn't get bought:

Barcelona city council is banning public nudity. The bad news—offenders will be fined $700. The good news--no strip search.

Barcelona city council is banning public nudity. Anyone caught in public will be fined $700. Anyone caught in private can still negotiate a rate.

Barcelona city council is banning public nudity. Offenders will be gently placed in the hands of police.

Barcelona city council is banning public nudity. Barcelona now known as “The City That Never Streaks”.

In his budget speech, the President talked about the “American Dream”. Then Vice President Biden closed his eyes to find it.

During President Obama's budget speech, cameras caught Vice President Biden sleeping—and he's never looked more respectable on tv.

VP Biden slept during Obama's budget speech. He woke after hearing “Biden is a rockstar!”. But Obama really said “get Biden a Rockstar!”.

During the President's budget speech, VP Joe Biden fell asleep. Obama's new budget will now include funding for renewable energy drinks.

Obama revealed a plan to cut 4 trillion from the deficit. George W. Bush said, “I had the same plan, but lost count around five hundred.”

Obama revealed a plan to cut 4 trillion from the deficit, making him the first President since Clinton who can count that high.

Obama revealed a plan to cut 4 trillion from the deficit. Spared from the cutback is his Secretary of Counting Huge Numbers.

At George Washington University, Obama said that he won't renew the Bush tax cuts. He assured students it will keep Busch beer dirt cheap.

President Obama announced that he won't renew Bush's tax cuts. Bush said he'd never heard of it, but it sounds like a "pretty cool magazine".

President Obama announced that he won't renew the Bush tax cuts. When asked to comment, Bush asked, "Ok, but how does this affect me?"

3/27/2011

Both are useful when harnessed; both cause human sickness when they're not. RT @myownthane #jokesondemand Nuclear Power + Shatner

3/26/2011

You're never alone in Las Vegas, for the right price. RT @RichardWest #jokesondemand alone in Las Vegas

only thing dumber than drinking Smart Water is drinking the knockoff. RT @youtwitface2 Bottled Water #jokesondemand

03/22/2011

Proof that no one in the world can stand David Lee Roth. RT @TIMENewsFeed Sammy Hagar says he was abducted by aliens | http://ti.me/fLYHUo

The moon was the closest it has been to Charlie Sheen in 18 years. RT @mharen super moon #jokesondemand

Nickelback - cautionary tale of a band who tried to make good music but made millions instead. RT @AlessanBroChill bands trying to make it

REMEMBER: When experts recommend breast feeding for 6 months, they mean the first 6 months. RT @RachellAbalos breastfeeding #jokesondemand

Sounds like a job for Lindsay Lohan. RT @TIMENewsFeed Because of the NFL lockout, the Packers can't get their Super Bowl rings

3/17/2011

The least successful people screwed by Bernie Madoff. RT @ACEisKING new york mets #jokesondemand

separated at birth, by a drunk nurse. RT @snirtle st. Patty vs st Patrick

If you can resist Swedish women, then that goat is your soul mate. RT @dqdev a young greek couple living in Sweden. #jokesondemand

If you hook up with a sexy Swede, I'm sure your goat would understand. RT @dqdev a young greek couple living in Sweden. #jokesondemand

3/13/2011

Colon Sanders would kick the crap out of Colonel Sanders. RT @cademadison #jokesondemand KFC

Went from a headlining comedian to that dude who married Katy Perry's tits. RT @cademadison #jokesondemand Russell Brand

3/12/2011

The apple doesn't die far from the tree. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand JFK + JFK Jr.

Cultural traditions that reduce sensitivity. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Circumcision + Domestic Violence

One loses weight; the other finds it. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Oprah + Granola

At his age, Hef's bunions are the only thing swollen below his waist. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Hefner + Bunions