3/12/2011

The apple doesn't die far from the tree. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand JFK + JFK Jr.

Cultural traditions that reduce sensitivity. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Circumcision + Domestic Violence

One loses weight; the other finds it. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Oprah + Granola

At his age, Hef's bunions are the only thing swollen below his waist. RT @El_Tweeteador #jokesondemand Hefner + Bunions

3/11/2011

Happy 311 Day. RT @fcynthia @JSheskier Oxymorons! #jokesondemand

Too tsoon. RT @LexDeluxe #jokesondemand Tsunami: Why did everyone get so serious all of a tsudden.

Eating Count Chocula stops him from sucking your blood. Because he doesn't want diabetes. RT @ACEisKING count chocula #jokesondemand

My hometown, where the kids who pushed me in school now push lawnmowers. I was touched by child prodigies. @EAC4 Mayfield, OH #jokesondemand

In an RV, the cabin and bathroom can hold equal amounts of human waste. RT @afstu RVing #jokesondemand

One employs convicts, the other overemploys convicts. RT @bambino13 McDonalds NFL #jokesondemand

3/10/2011

Sports blogs are like a-holes: everyone has one and they're all over the internet. RT @korkedbats Sports Blogs #jokesondemand

Ikea is the closest Tiger Woods will ever get to another Swedish model. RT @kimberlysoules Ikea #jokesondemand

I'm naming my first boy Kanye West, so he expects the beats and hits. RT @Riosan2415 Kanye West #jokesondemand

One is for idiots. Strike that--both are for idiots. RT @claymolloy #jokeondemand topics...............the UFC and breast implants.

NASCAR is great for people who love getting exhausted. RT @HireAustinHuff NASCAR #JokesOnDemand

Bieber is a terrible teen cause he's annoyed everyone except his parents. Probably. RT @emilymtierney #jokeondemand Justin bieber

Must be a special lane for drug traffic, cause it's never jammed. RT @JakeAndBake94 Traffic jams #jokesondemand

I support their right to make our gas cheaper. And nothing else. RT @Exactly_SultaN #jokesondemand possible protests in saudi arabia

KKK meetings are like snow plows cause they clear the streets of white shit. RT @pdodson Snow plows #jokesondemand

Isn't death penalty redundant? I don't think it's ever been handed out as a prize. RT @JSheskier #jokesondeman the death penalty

One is mobile. RT @techcredo Android + Steve Jobs #jokesondemand

I take rape seriously. It's why I never laugh when I'm doing it. RT @JSheskier #jokesondeman rape

If he keeps removing predators, there'll be too much prey. It's basic environmental science. RT @ivancorreces Chris Hansen #jokesondemand

"Spic" is a derogatory term that you should never use in front of them. RT @OttisBlades SPICS #jokesondemand

Both will help quiet a shitty little baby. RT @gropingkiwi baby wipes and duct tape. #jokesondemand

3/9/2011

Puppies are just like babies, except you can't leave them locked in a hot car. RT @helloitsfey puppies #jokesondemand

If you stick voodoo needles in a black cat, that cat has really bad luck. RT @arseny_vlg black cats and voodoo dolls #jokesondemand

Puerto Rico is the poor man's Puerto Rico. RT @ELL_INTERIOR topic: puerto rico! #jokesondemand

FACT: Frat guys stain more blouses than mustard. RT @pdodson Frat guys and mustard #jokesondemand

It's ok to drink miso straight from the bowl due to a stubborn Asian adherence to chopsticks. RT @CatLaReine Miso soup. #jokesondemand

My theory about Quantum theory: it's the reason I don't know shit about science. RT @un1k3n Topic: Quantum theory #jokesondemand

His name has more annoying Spellings than Hollywood. RT @jbgud gadafhi #jokesondemand

Joke. RT @TheNewYoinker comedic premise #jokesondemand

"Excel" gives false hope to people working shitty data entry jobs. RT @darrellpratt Topic: MS Excel #jokesondemand

If your middle name is an animal, you make music I hate. RT @hughesherbe John Cougar Mellencamp #jokesondemand

Mother Theresa is a saint & caterpillars ain't done shit. Guess who's still here? RT @Lo_run Mother Theresa and caterpillars #jokesondemand

Ebola is a terrible way to die. Unless you live in Africa. RT @TheSimpleSimian Ebola #jokesondemand

Difference btwn coke & catholics: catholics make you feel guilty after taking your money RT @jasonroti cocaine and catholics #jokesondemand

Jews don't recognize Ash Wednesday. We got our ash fill in the 1940s. RT @scottmacphoto Ash Wednesday #jokesondemand

Jews were the first to have interest in lenting. RT @hughesherbe Lent #jokesondemand

I've never been to Houston, but I know what I'm not missing. RT @tideturns Houston #jokesondemand

GW Bush spent his presidency as a taint, stuck between a dick (Rumsfeld) and an asshole (Cheney) RT @NKallday the taint #jokesondemand

Huffing gas is a great way to conserve it. RT @manda_tee rising gas prices #jokesondemand

Track pants for fat people should be called slacks. RT @AhLostMahStuff Topic: pants #jokesondemand

Remember to yield to an ambulance, unless you're dying. RT @aisha_crus ambulance #jokesondemand

He took his talents to South Beach, but forgot his hairline in Akron. RT @ACEisKING lebron james. #jokesondemand

Two things you don't want in your face. RT @S3RP1CO chuck sheen and troll semen #jokesondemand

One is a euphemism for vagina, the other is delicious. RT @jane286 tacos and cats #jokesondemand

If Kobe went to college he would've rushed every sorority house. RT @bambino13 sorority Kobe Bryant #jokesondemand

Setting clock forward on Sunday so it blinks 1:00. RT @sharewolf Spring forward #jokesondemand